everybody's grand

I’ve never been much of a fighter. I can probably count the number of real fights I’ve had in my life on one hand. Ok maybe two hands. Either way, fights were never really my jam. It’s not that I am a holier-than-thou absolute image of perfection and goodness, I’m just too lazy and usually too preoccupied with other things to give much time to conflict.

The first fight I had with my best friend was when I bit her in Junior Infants for annoying me. She deserved it 😉

The first fight I had with my boyfriend was when we were in the middle of Oxford Street in London, starving, and couldn’t decide what restaurant to eat in. We ended up dining in McDonald’s eating some not so Happy Meals.

I can’t remember the first fight I had with my parents but I certainly remember a big one. When I was 16 or so, I came home at all hours of the morning, slightly drunk on the fizzy sweet nectar that is cider to find my mum angry for leaving her worried sick about my whereabouts. I burst into a fit of tears quite early on in the argument (thank you cider) and my mum then questioned whether  I had something to tell her, i.e. was I pregnant… I wasn’t FYI.

All of my fights in life have been fairly minor. All except for one. The fight I had with my body for a large proportion of my life has been the most vicious, cruel and difficult battle that I have ever had to face. Conor McGregor eat your heart out. If I ever spoke to my friends or family in the way that I spoke to myself, I would definitely have no friends. If they ever spoke to me in this way, they would definitely be dropped. Or at least bitten!

Of course, my fight with my body wasn’t totally self-driven. I did have ED sitting on my shoulder pushing me on and making me attack just like in that show…is it Robot Wars? I swear I’m not a nerd.

Whether we have ED whispering in our ear or not, many of us fight with our bodies on a daily basis. Verbal abuse has become so common, it’s almost acceptable. ‘I’m too fat’, ‘I’m too thin’, ‘I’m too short’, ‘I’m too tall’, ‘my hair is too frizzy’, ‘my thighs are too big’ etc. etc. Our bodies always seem to be ‘too’ this and ‘too’ that yet overall, in our own eyes, we are never ENOUGH.

Then there’s physical abuse and no, I’m not saying that I challenge myself to sparring matches. Dissatisfaction with the appearance of our bodies can lead us to resort to harmful things such as crash dieting, overexercising/ underfuelling and starving ourselves. We can physically abuse our bodies for other reasons non-aesthetic reasons also. For example, we may not allow ourselves enough sleep because we are too busy working. We may be stressed or unhappy and overindulge in alcohol or drugs in an effort to cope.

In my many years of fighting my body, I have learned one very important thing: if you fight your body, it will fight you back. Trust me, our bodies are clever like that. Physical abuse such as under-fuelling, over-exercising or anything I mentioned above is only going to lead to health problems in the long term, be it bone problems, thinning hair, digestive issues, heart problems etc . If you don’t support your body, it isn’t going to support you.

As for verbal abuse, this can do more damage to your body that you may think. If you are constantly telling your body it isn’t worthy, it is bound to have an effect on your mental health and subsequently, your relationships, life and happiness. I am a firm believer that poor mental health can result in an array of physical symptoms too so that’s another point down for your body.

We don’t have to fight our bodies. The ads may tell us that our fat is ‘stubborn’, the magazines may say your body isn’t ‘average’ but that doesn’t mean that they are right. Even if they are, who cares? You wouldn’t punch your friend in the stomach for being stubborn or being a little bit shorter than everyone else .

Learning to work WITH your body rather than fight against it is one of the most important lessons you can ever learn. It is easier said than done, particularly with ED or another mental illness leading you into battle after battle. However when you finally begin to work with your body, the urge to fight it will become weaker and weaker. This fighting spirit can then be directed towards ED instead.

If you don’t like running, don’t run. Find exercise that makes you thrive.

If you are hungry, eat! Your are hungry because your body needs fuel. I was told this in recent years and it literally blew my mind.

If a diet sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Don’t fall into it and force your body to suffer the consequences.

EVERY BODY IS GRAND.

That is the motto of my site and the motto I am trying to encourage people to believe in, one of these people being myself.

I am slowly learning to walk away from the fight. But I count my blessings that ED is no longer throwing me headfirst into the ring.

Amy.

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