everybody's grand

Hello everyone.

I’m Amy, I am 23 and I’m from Ireland. Many of you probably know this but I thought I would fill in the strangers too, just so we are all up to speed.

For a long time, I have considered setting up a blog and by that, I mean one that I will work on and allow to grow and flourish as opposed to my previous three.

I knew that if I wrote about something that I was passionate about, I would actually be encouraged to keep the blog going and hopefully, actually get somebody to read it apart from my Mum (hi Mum!)

For quite a while, I’ve known what it is that I would like to write about and today, the 5th of November 2015, I feel ready to begin. (In fact, I actually I wrote this a few days ago but then fell asleep on the couch with my cat so I am only uploading it now. In any case, my sentiments are still the same.)

Throughout my teenage years, I suffered from anorexia and had severe body image issues. What began as an innocent quest to lose a bit of weight and become “healthier” soon spiralled into a dangerous full-blown eating disorder. I kept restricting and cutting out food groups until there was little else to cut out. Food and weight dominated my thoughts about life and about myself, as well as my behaviour.  As I became smaller and smaller, I thought I was in control and heading in the right direction but I wasn’t. In fact, I was never more out of control. I lost a significant amount of weight but the person I saw in the mirror was still repulsive and in my own eyes, not good enough. So I lost some more. Still not good enough.

This vicious circle continued for a while and of course, it soon began to take its toll on my body. Apart from weight loss, many people may not be aware of the physical and emotional consequences that under eating can bring on. We’re talking hair loss, insomnia, hormone issues, extreme sensitivity to cold, digestive problems, anxiety, skin problems and of course, organ failure and the possibility of death.

Thankfully, anorexia did not lead me to my fate and I can say wholeheartedly that this is completely, 110 per cent thanks to my supportive family, boyfriend and friends. My parents in particular acted as the ultimate heroes throughout my recovery. The amount of times that I have fallen down again only for them to pick me back up are too numerous to count and for that, I am forever grateful. Not to mention all of the money that they forked out in an effort to help me to get better.  I will repay them one day though, judging by my current bank balance, it will be a while yet ;).

Following years of treatment, arguments, fear and many a setback, I can finally say that I am in a place where I can at least accept the body that I have been given. I can enjoy food, I can enjoy life and best of all, I feel physically well. The words that I am typing are coming from ME while the voice of my eating disorder continues to fade into the background.

It has taken a long time to get here and I certainly have a lot more to say about my experience than what I can include in three or four paragraphs. However, as this is just an introduction to my blog, you’re going to have to wait for future posts to find that out.

As someone who has experienced issues with my body and come out on the other side, I feel that it is my duty and goal to try to help others in similar situations. And I am not only speaking about those with eating disorders. Nowadays, we are constantly being bombarded with images and messages telling us that we need to lose weight or look different or be different and this is something that affects us all. Frankly, I don’t want to listen anymore. I am here to drown out the noise. I am here to try to encourage men and women to appreciate, accept and feck it, maybe even LOVE the bodies that they have.  Of course, I also hope to reach out to those who have and/ or still are suffering from an eating disorder. It’s a long and difficult path to recovery with plenty of potholes, storms and snakes (I’m just painting a picture here − sure St Patrick got rid of those little dudes ;P) but knowing that there are others out there going through the same thing can really be helpful. And finally, for those who do not know much about eating disorders, I hope to shed a little light on the issue and explain a bit more about what is a very complex mental illness (I want to point out from the beginning that an eating disorder is not all about food and weight but rather, controlling food is a coping mechanism used to deal with some other struggle in life).

Phew… now that post one is off my chest, I look forward to sharing more and seeing where this blog takes me. All comments, questions and criticisms welcome. I’m small and mighty – I can handle anything ;).

Amy.

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