Hi everyone,
It’s been a long time, I know! I have been actively thinking of blog post ideas and I swear have written about seven in my head but sometimes, life just gets the better of me and I don’t sit down and put pen to paper or hand to keyboard.
Today I’m going to talk about ‘ruts’ and how to get out of them. I presume most of you know what I mean here but as there are several definitions of the word ‘rut’, I will just clarify things before I begin. I am not referring to what the dictionary defines as : ‘an annual period of sexual activity in deer and some other mammals, during which the males fight each other for access to the females.’ Considering my readers are (presumably) humans, I don’t think this topic is very relatable. But hey, if you want me to write about horny deer in future, let me know! I could possibly spin it into something relevant 😛
The rut I refer to is defined by my online dictionary as ‘a habit or pattern of behaviour that has become dull and unproductive but is hard to change’. My personal definition would probably be ‘that crappy place you have come to approximately 17 times in 25 years, where you start to question everything you are doing with your life.’ We all have our own version of a rut. We have all certainly been stuck in one, whether it be in our career, our relationship, our social lives, our recovery…
I have long been a self-confessed ultra-organised person who has always planned everything to a tee. Yes, one of those people that prints off directions to places from Google maps, packs for holidays way too far in advance and asks a friend what they are doing on the 28th of next month. Until quite recently, my days and weeks were very much revolved around a routine. Up at 6.30am, eat breakfast, maybe have a walk, drive to work, work, come home, make dinner, read or watch tv, bed. Over the years, whether I was a student or a working woman, the routine was always similar enough. And there always was a routine. Sometimes it worked for me. Often it didn’t. Why? Because there was a cog in the wheel missing. In other words, even if my routine was quite satisfying overall and even though I was able to continuously complete it, there was an aspect of it that wasn’t for me. A part of life where I felt stuck.
Which cog this was varied over the years. Sometimes it was a career that didn’t suit me. Others, it was my lack of rest or social time that was making the routine a bit “meh”. In several instances, my health brought me down. I am sure most of you can relate to being in one of these ruts at some or many stages in life, be it a health rut, a career rut, a college course rut, a fitness routine rut. Many of us have reached a point where we have said, this job/ busy lifestyle/ college course/ relationship etc just is not working for me.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Of course, I have had plenty of spurts in life where my routine did fully work for me, I was not in any rut and my days were full. I had more energy. I felt more like ME. You know those times right? A time where everything felt in its rightful place and life was easy.
I know that there are always going to be aspects of life that we don’t enjoy but can’t avoid. Surely nobody finds paying bills, getting their car serviced or washing the dishes thrilling but hey, that’s life! These things have to be done. However, if a large part of your daily routine is unenjoyable and just not working for you, it’s time to make a change. I am preaching this to myself as much as you guys by the way as, though life at the moment is pretty damn good, I have certainly been feeling this in one aspect of my life recently.
If your work life is giving you more stress and sadness than energy, do something to change it. If your relationship is draining you, get out of it. If you are working out in a way that you hate just because you think you should, stop and find movement that makes you thrive. I am speaking in very general terms here but hopefully it stirs up some questions and thoughts within you all.
The original focus of this blog was eating disorder recovery and I know (believe me, I know!) that this is a time where one can get stuck in a series of ruts also. You may be seeing a psychologist at the same time every week but finding that they are not helping at all. If this is the case, there is no shame in saying ‘this is not working for me’. Move on and find somebody you click with. Perhaps you have come so far in your recovery journey but find it particularly hard to face certain foods. If you have been following a meal plan drawn up for you by a professional for a while, this can definitely happen. Personally, I went to a dietician for (what felt like ten million) years who was extremely helpful and gave me meal plans that I (eventually!) enjoyed and helped to get my strength up. But, while I became comfortable eating those particular foods, anything outside those planned meals and planned times still scared me. And I am not going to be dishonest; I certainly still have fear foods! So what do I think we can do when we are stuck in a rut like this? Hard is it is, we must get out of our comfortable yet unsatisfactory routine. Yes, you can continue on your meal plan but try not to be so rigid with it. Eat out in restaurants more often and don’t ask them to make any changes to a dish for you. If you are still young and living at home, ask whoever is cooking the meals to make some surprise dishes and not tell you what ingredients are used. Get somebody else to make your school or work lunch. Travel! In the case of the latter, as I am learning more and more with each day in a foreign country, you probably won’t understand the waiter or the menu so what you are eating is pretty much out of your control. Doing things like this is not easy but it certainly helps to weaken ED’s voice over time.
Changing any aspect of a routine is not something that can be done without plenty of determination, strength and time. You may need to seek help and support in order to make a leap and by all means, you should! However, even if trying to make a change in your life may seem more difficult than sticking to what you know, I truly believe it is worth it. Nobody wants to look back in ten years time and say, ‘I wish I had been brave enough to change my job/ ask for help/ change college course etc. years ago’. Of course though, if you are already saying that, it is never too late to make a change!
Whatever you do, don’t continue in a routine that isn’t working just because it is easier than the alternative. Don’t keep doing what you dislike just because you ‘should’ or ‘can’. Life doesn’t have to be so difficult. Every day shouldn’t be a punishment. Seek alternatives, find your passions and move toward a life that fulfils. I promise I will keep striving to do the same!;)
Amy.
x
everybody's grand 