A month or so ago, I was talking to somebody about the “exciting” rollercoaster ride that somebody with an eating disorder goes through. Seriously, if this ride was in Disneyland, I’d be asking for my money back or at the very least, a free Jungle Book or Aristocats toy (not a Frozen fan, sorry to disappoint!)
Somewhere towards the end of our conversation, they said the following: ‘You sound like you have been through the mills. You must be such a strong person.’
I can’t remember what I said to that. Probably something along the lines of ‘Oh well I am small and mighty’ or ‘well yeah, I’ve been working on my guns’. Because how else do we Irish react to a compliment other than turning it into a bit of a joke or laughing it off.
Anyway, the idea of strength is what has inspired this latest blog post and by strength I mean psychological. This person in question was not referring to the fact that I am edging that bit closer to being able to do a headstand, just to make it clear 😉
I wanted to write about it because I don’t think we give enough credit to small acts of strength. When we talk about people who have shown great psychological or if you like, inner strength, what do we think of? Well what springs to mind for a lot of us would be people who have overcome a serious mental or physical illness; people who have put their lives on the brink in order to help others; people who overcome extreme elements, danger and physical pain to climb Everest.
Of course, all of these things do illustrate a huge amount of inner strength. And in relation to what was said to me, I do agree that getting through an eating disorder also shows a huge amount of inner strength. But all of the achievements I have just mentioned are colossal. If it wasn’t for smaller moments of strength over a long period of time, I wouldn’t be writing this blog and yer man wouldn’t be standing at the top of Everest.
For a long time, I was frustrated with myself. It felt like I was moving two steps forward and twenty steps back. I had finally committed to recovery and yet, it felt like I would never get better. All I wanted was to be well and “normal” again and if I couldn’t do that, I didn’t want to be me at all. There seemed to be no light at the end of the hypothetical tunnel.
My feelings were completely normal. Unfortunately, they were not helpful and just made the whole experience even tougher and more disheartening than it already was. It wasn’t until I started focusing on all of the small achievements that I was making, rather than just the one overall goal, that I began to see the light. The idea of recovery became much more than an idea.
It was my loved ones who helped me to realise this. They helped me to see the progress I was making when I couldn’t see it myself. Things like ordering and eating a whole pizza in a restaurant are deserving of a bit of praise if you are in recovery. Or allowing somebody else to make the dinner and not standing over them watching and asking what is in it. Even the acts of asking for help or picking yourself up after a relapse are achievements. Small to some but mighty to us! When it comes to recovery from an eating disorder, whether it is your own recovery or a that of a loved one, it is so important to focus on these milestones.
Why are these small milestones important? Well, I’m not one for beating around the bush. Getting over an eating disorder takes a long time. I mean, I’m still facing fears and overcoming obstacles daily and I’ve been at this recovery business since I was about 16. If I didn’t take a step back to acknowledge the small steps that I have made to get here, I would probably just give up altogether and allow Ed to consume my mind, body and soul once more. By giving myself the pat on the back for things like ordering a pizza or chilling on the couch for a whole day (this stuff is hard for us!), I am able to come to terms with the length of this journey and believe that it will continue to get better.
This idea can really be relevant for all areas of life, whether it be a mental or physical illness, writing a book, setting up a business, whatever. If the big businessmen and women of the world only focused on becoming a billionaire and didn’t take the time to work on and appreciate the small steps, they probably wouldn’t have ever become successful. They may have given up halfway. If authors only felt good about themselves when their book becomes a best seller, they probably wouldn’t appreciate the work they put into each chapter and so, they might throw in the literary towel too.
I don’t know if any of you have ever read ‘An Astronauts Guide to Life on Earth’ by Commander Chris Hadfield. My brother recommended it to me and it is definitely worth a read. Anyway, in the book, Chris is talking about all of the obstacles that he had to overcome in order to be able to achieve his goal of becoming an astronaut. Obviously, training to become an astronaut takes an extremely long time. Even becoming eligible to be taken into the programme takes a long time. Hell, Chris is Canadian and if I recall correctly, Canada didn’t even have an astronaut programme when he decided on his dream. But he was determined. He took every small step he could in order to achieve his ultimate goal. Most importantly, he acknowledged and appreciated every small step he made along the way. And what happened? He became the first Canadian astronaut to walk in space. In fact, he became the first Canadian commander of the International Space Station. Impressive eh? He also has a fantastic moustache.
You can recover from an eating disorder, set up that business, climb that mountain or even go to space. But you must learn to appreciate and give yourself praise for the small milestones along the way. On that note, I will leave with you with a quote or two from the aforementioned Chris Hadfield who is a lot more eloquent than I could ever hope to be. Besides, my boyfriend Chris is going to be thrilled that I made a reference to space travel in my blog so I might as well keep it up:)
“Life off Earth is in two important respects not at all unworldly: you can choose to focus on the surprises and pleasures, or the frustrations. And you can choose to appreciate the smallest scraps of experience, the everyday moments, or to value only the grandest, most stirring ones.”
“Focus on the journey, not on arriving at a certain destination.”
“If you start thinking that only your biggest and shiniest moments count, you’re setting yourself up to feel like a failure most of the time.”
“Square astronaut, round hole. But somehow, I’d managed to push myself through it, and here was the truly amazing part: along the way, I’d become a good fit. It had only taken 21 years.”
This is the last one, I swear!
“I wasn’t destined to be an astronaut. I had to turn myself into one.”
Good luck on your journey. Even if it’s on a tractor.
Amy.
everybody's grand 