When it comes to talking about my experiences with an eating disorder, I’m pretty much an open book. I don’t mind sharing the stories of my past and, of course, some of the present. While I don’t exactly shout about it from the rooftops, I am willing to share it with anyone who is willing to listen or wants to learn more. Why? Because I feel if I do, then perhaps some of the Amys of the future will find it easier to seek understanding. The more of us that are willing to speak and be heard, the more of us will speak and be heard.
However, there are a few things I don’t divulge on this blog or anywhere for that matter. You may or may not have noticed that I never ever mentioned my lowest weight. Or my weight now for that matter. In fact, I’m not too sure what it is at present(woohoo!!:)) This may seem odd, particularly when most stories you read about people with eating disorders mention plummeting weights, protruding ribs and lowest weights. I don’t want to get into that.
I feel that going into detail about the numbers in my blog is irresponsible, unnecessary and completely misses the point. By doing so, it gives off the impression that the number on the scale is important and it’s not. The physical effects caused by having a low body weight are important, yes. The psychological issues that lead you to that low weight are extremely important to talk about too. But there is certainly no need to state what that weight is.
Why? Because once again, an eating disorder is about so much more than food and so much more than weight.
People with eating disorders can be of all shapes, sizes and weights. You do not need to have a low BMI (ugh don’t start me on BMI) to have an eating disorder. The more people that discuss ‘lowest weight’ when it comes to eating disorder, the more difficult it will be for people to speak out. I’m talking about those people who ‘don’t look like’ they have an eating disorder. The people who are refused treatment or perhaps, told they no longer need treatment just because they don’t fall below some random number that some person pulled out of the sky, or to be less polite about the situation, their arse. It’s ok my granny doesn’t read this.
Those affected by eating disorders are finding it hard enough to feel accepted or ‘OK’ in their own minds. By basically telling them that they are not sick enough, thin enough or anorexic enough for treatment, you are just isolating them even more. So once again, I’m not going to add another figure into the mix of ‘what is an eating disorder’ theories.
Finally, I am conscious of the fact that a few people reading this blog are suffering from an eating disorder themselves. I don’t want to post things here that could be triggering or make this journey more difficult than it already is. For this same reason, I probably haven’t gone into too much detail about some of the weird and wonderful things that the eating disorder led me to do in the past. I know there are plenty of other EDs living out there in the minds of my readers and we don’t want to go giving him any ideas eh? Anyway, the main purpose of this blog is to provide encouragement people with an eating disorder, as well as give others an insight into my mind (God help you all ;))
So, if you still really want to know, ask me about my lowest weight and crazy behaviours. Mind you, it’s pretty damn rude. Didn’t your mammy ever tell ya not to ask a woman about her weight? Or her age. I’m 23 by the way, though I could probably still go along with a primary school on the bus to the zoo and go unnoticed. Hmm, I should really try to get the free kids meals they offer in restaurants sometimes…
Moving on swiftly!
Anyway I am going to stick to my guns. While others may disagree with me on this one, I am going to stick with my gut feeling. I’m going to focus on what I think is important and hopefully, it will make a difference to someone.
Amy.
x
PS: That last line may sound a bit cheesy, lame and unrealistic but hey, it’s the little things. I mean, I’m writing this in a hotel bar and the guy just gave me some lemon AND orange in my water. TWO FRUITS. Makes a difference to me 🙂
everybody's grand 