Since setting up this blog I have received kind texts, messages and even letters (I’m old school…nothing like pen and paper!) from people in my life offering their support. Several of them have told me that they never knew about my struggle.
Since setting up this blog, I have also received a few kind texts, messages and even letters from people in my life who told me that they have gone through something similar. And in many of these cases, I never knew about their struggle.
This realisation on both sides proves a point that I really want to get across to people in this blog: that you don’t have to ‘look unwell’ to have an eating disorder. Of course, you don’t have to look ill to have any kind of mental illness.
When we read or watch things about eating disorders, we usually see shocking images of emaciated people with protruding ribs and dull complexions. Although a very low body weight and this withdrawn look can often been seen in people with anorexia, they do not necessarily go hand in hand with this devastating mental illness. This is often the case for people with bulimia, compulsive overeating problems, orthorexia and other forms of eating disorders, who often rarely show any obvious physical signs.
This focus on the physical side of things is what skews people’s perception of what an eating disorder really is. Many believe that it is simply a diet gone too far or a vain quest to be thin but this couldn’t be further from the truth. A person with an eating disorder does not only have a disordered view of their body and food, but a disordered and very unhealthy view of themselves. Hence why they turn towards certain behaviours to cope.
I have read stories of men and women in the past who felt that they were ‘not thin enough’ to seek help for an eating disorder. I have been told about others who have been discharged from specialised eating disorder units as they were ‘weight restored’, even though the patients in question were not mentally ready to leave.
The term I used above, ‘weight restored’, is a term often used when speaking about eating disorder recovery. Frankly, I don’t agree with it at all. While I understand that reaching a healthy weight is important for the person’s survival, restoring weight is definitely not the be all and end all of recovery. For somebody who is experiencing an eating disorder, gaining weight is only one third of the battle. For somebody who is suffering, gaining weight is pointless if you still hold on to the negative thoughts about yourself.
On a personal note, I can say that the hardest part of my eating disorder journey was when I was ‘weight restored’. When you look unwell to people, they are constantly there trying to help, offer advice and give you the little nudge you need every now and then. But when you look ok and your illness just resides in your mind? You’re on your own.
At least it can often feel like you are on your own. It can be hard to reach out for help when everyone around you believes that things are all better (and who can blame them for thinking this? Nobody is psychic!) It makes it even harder when you start to doubt yourself too and wonder, ‘am I small/ big enough to have an eating disorder?’ Thoughts like this make someone less likely to reach out for help which delights the little demon (let’s call him Ed for the craic…sorry to any Eds out there) in your mind. Little Ed will be thrilled that now the battle is only between him and the person suffering as opposed to before, when it was him versus the person and all of their loved ones.
And this easier battle allows Ed to thrive. He will feed on his host’s insecurities and low self-esteem and bask in the peaceful environment where he has few opponents. He may even cause a relapse if he is left alone.
I’m sure everyone has their own images in their head now of what this little Ed dude looks like. I’m hoping that nobody’s picturing Ed Sheeran. I actually quite like his songs so I wouldn’t want to link him to the thing that was the cause of such great unhappiness, self-loathing, anxiety and illness throughout many years of my life.
Anyway moving on, what am I trying to say here? What do I want people to take from this post?
For one, I want people to know that an eating disorder is about so much more than the physical. The negative thoughts associated with an eating disorder are the toughest part to overcome. This is why both the physical and the psychological factors need to be addressed in order for full recovery to be possible.
However, the main purpose of my post was to show people that there are no rules when it comes to what a person with an eating disorder looks like. If you are concerned about a loved one’s behaviour or mood, ask them how they are even if they look ok. And if you have a friend who you know struggled with this problem in the past, ask them how things are going every once in a while. The ‘weight restored’ period of an eating disorder is often the loneliest time so your support is sure to be greatly appreciated.
Finally, for anyone who is struggling with issues around food, self-image and body image but wonders whether they are really ‘bad enough’ to seek help, ask yourself a few questions. Am I obsessing over food/ my weight/ body? Is it affecting my quality of life and relationships? If so, don’t be afraid to reach out and seek help. I know it’s hard when the world around you doesn’t see anything wrong but if Ed is in your brain, we need to get him out. Trust me.
Thanks to everyone who has reached out in recent weeks. Remember, you are not alone 😉
x
everybody's grand 